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Thursday, December 08, 2005
This is just another random muse.I am sure you have heard this before.
Relationships, of all kinds, are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold some of it, but most of it will be spilled. A relationship is like that as well. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away.
How true can the above paragraph be? Well, I suppose it makes perfect sense that being too possessive is detrimental to one's relationship. But sometimes, just sometimes, the thin red line between the extra bit of tender loving care and the possessive edge is blurred. Being accused of being possessive is the worst punishment for the other party (I stressed that it is not me; This is just a random muse). You know why? Being accused of what you are not guilty of is one thing, but being accused of what you are not by the one you love is hurtful. It is like being slammed in the face by the dishes you have whipped out specially for the other person. Ouch.
I kinda disagree with what the above paragraph said initially about the sand remaining intact if you leave your palms open. No, it will still spill. We will have to cup the palm and force all the fingers together in order to prevent any gaps for the sand to escape (Dun believe? Go and try).
The question is, "When do we hold too tight and when do we hold too loose?"
How do we maintain our palms in that position all the time so that no sand will spill? Well, in my opinion, that is virtually impossible. Humans are not immaculate creatures; we do make mistakes and commit sins every now and then (normally). For example, we do sometimes force things that others might not like onto them. When we are lonely, we scream for attention in different ways. The purpose is always the same: We want the love of the person we love. In fact, we demand.
In such cases, we might have altered the positions of our palms and some sand would have spilled out. If we do nothing about it and carry on demanding, there will come a day when there will be no more sand to spill. That's when love die. And like humans, when love dies, it normally cannot be resuscitated.
Then we hold on tight then.
Can it be done? Yes of course, but clenching your hands leads to a slow but steady stream of sand slipping out. When your partner mentions the word "possessive" to you, you have to watch out. It is a taboo word in relationships. No one on earth is entitled with the life of another. When in a relationship, you do not "possess" or "own" the person; you merely bonded with him/her. Treating the other party as a material which you own is disrespectful. If there's anybody in the world that rightfully "owns" you, it's your parents, but even that is debatable now.
Freedom is like a double-edged sword. Too little and you cry injustice. Too much and you slip away unknowingly. How to regulate the amount of freedom that exists between 2 people is entirely up to you. Sometimes, it is better to hold on a little tighter than to lose everything away.
This is just a random muse.
N Black Sey @
11:57 PM
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11:57 PM
