CNY is here... was here... had been here and before I realised it, was gone again. But I guessed that's the way with festivals here in Singapore. It doesn't matter what occasion it is; it doesn't matter if it falls on a Sunday or Monday; it doesn't really even matter at all. For most Singaporeans, including myself I think, such occasions are only for one thing: BMI.

BMI. Basic Maintenance of Individual. Aka rest. Aka sleep.

Before you frowned and declare that as a sweeping statement, I would like to clarify that what I just said does NOT apply to everybody here of course. Not everyone sleeps festivals away. Some just nap. Some fly to countries where CNY does not exist. There is no mood in Singapore anymore.

It doesn't just apply for CNY. If you want mood in the form of crowds, loud noises, "lay-longing" (bargaining in dialect) action, lights and smoke, CNY only exists in Chinatown. Admit it, people don't like to visit each other so often. It can be quite tedious, even for someone you meet once a year. And then there are the same old probing questions that are probably on repeat mode.

"Got gf?" "When get married ah?" "Wow, so clever ah. University ah." "Army already?"

I am not saying that people don't care about each other. Most of the time, they are already too caught up in their own business that what others do don't really matter that much. Some ask for the sake of asking because it is impolite not to ask and show care and concern for people during occasions. Asking stupid questions don't really help. Serious.

But of course, CNY exists to unite friends and families, some of which have not seen each other for years. That true spirit is not totally lost in Singapore. In fact, one should do more than that. Take the effort to keep in contact with more people and relatives and to meet them more often, not just during CNY. That would effectively increase the intelligence level of the questions posed (e.g. from "Got gf?" to "Still the same gf ah?" okay bad example, sorry).

It is pretty obvious that individualism comes along with any developed society. A metropolitan city is most probably advanced and rich, but suffers from a lack of culture. We are spiralling towards a state of advancement, but along the way, we lose a lot of things we used to hold dearly. Take a look at the streets during festive occasions. I bet you will find the difference between now and then. We don't have the mood to celebrate anymore, I am sorry, and it doesn't matter if its Christmas or New Year's eve.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel that way. Enlighten Mr. Black.

Yes, it has been a while. It has been a while since my last entry. In fact, it has been a while so long such that I do not actually what I wrote on my last entry. I actually wanted to blog, but the network at my hostel didn't allow me to view my blog. So here I am, 2.30 am in the morning, with Josh Groban in the background bellowing some ballad I didn't know the name of, writing.

I had been busy, but "busy" is a word commonly been misunderstood. Yes, most people would and could probably use this word as excuses to put off what they had intended to do initially. But, I was pretty caught up in shifting my property to my second home and is now only settling down. Not to mention that school work is slowly creeping up on me, preparing to give me a terrible scare around the next turn.

I like staying in school. Yet I felt good when I came back home a few hours ago as well. I mean, home IS the place where you always wanted to be. At least for me. But in school, convenience rules. No to mention that I could afford to sleep a few more hours later than in the past. And it's no point staying alone when you have no friends around you. Fortunately, I have a lot of friends who are staying within minutes of me in hall so it is always possible to arrange for a late night supper cum movie or just another WORMS battle. Hahaha.

I realised something about myself lately: I had changed a lot since secondary and college days. And it's not just physical. (I actually said "Hi" to a friend who asked me back "Who are you?" When I told her, she gave me the same response as friends I had not seen for a while: a gasp, raised eyebrows, stunned look for 2 seconds and then "Really? You've changed a lot." My answer, or rather question, is standard: "For better or worse?") I changed in my way of thinking as well. Well, you could say that everyone grows up, but not everyone feels that he/her is growing up. For me, I felt the difference. And it is comforting. For some strange, warped reason, I like being older. Maybe it's my male hormones kicking in. There's a lot of things you discover when you get older. It's like finally unlocking the more advanced stages of a game. You have to use what you had learned in your previous early stages to fight against the tougher enemies now. There's a lot more challenges, and responsibilities. Your experience points don't grow so easily. You tend to fail. You aim to win big.

"Welcome to the adult world", Mr. Black says, as the curtains finally close down on a long, winding, tedious, fun, happy and sad journey called childhood. From this moment on, you will have to walk alone. But alone is not always bad. Trust your senses.

Year 2006 started with rain, and it never looked back.

Rain-saturated days ensued; rain starts and ends your cold days. Sometimes you get a feeling that this is the winter Singapore gets, no snow but full of rain. No bitter coldness but a sense of numbness to the surroundings. No fireplace but no need of the air-conditioner. No outdoor activities but school continues. It gets so terribly cold, especially at nights when it has been raining for whole days, that I just dive into the comfort of my sheets and surrender myself to whatever dreams that followed.

But this is not winter. This is just the monsoon season.

The rain makes everything surreal. It fogs up the physical and mental abilites of a person. It makes you sit at home and comtemplate of all the things you could have done. (Trust me, I am actually watching the raindrops trickle down the window panes as I am typing this.) But I believe that it also brings hope. The rain washes away all the bad memories that have gathered over the last year and cleanses the thoughts of people.

So to everybody reading this, start the new year on a new slate. Enjoy the warmth of your friends, your families and your loved ones. Most importantly, don't hate the rain. Enjoy the rain.

Popular to contrary belief that one should blog about happy stuff on the first day of the year, I ain't gonna do that.

The holidays have been tiring instead of rejuvenating.

I can safely say that I had practically no fun in the whole month.

I didn't do what I had said I would do.

I didn't go to the beach.

I didn't run.

I didn't club.

I didn't buy anything nice for myself.

I didn't work until the last week of December.

I didn't meet up with most of my friends.

Most importantly, I didn't get my life back.

Where are you, my life? Come back to me.

Mr Black is a current undergraduate who resides in Singapore. This blog is a non-whimsical reflection of his life and the society in which he lives in at large.

- Confidental -

Music, Love and Freedom

May the One who Reins the World keep his fingers out of the bowels and holes. Okay, World Peace.

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