Geek in Da Train

The subway train is an amazing place, if you know what I mean. Come to think of it, a good part of your life is spent on it (provided you are not burning petrol behind the wheel of a car) and Mr. Black thinks it is far too wasteful for the time spent in the cramped environment of the train to slip away. Open your eyes, stay awake and you will see a lot of stuff that can either make you laugh or cry (but you can't do either of that cause you are being scrutinised as well).

The thing you absolutely have to learn while taking a train is how to look from the corner of your eye. You can be reading, napping, pretending to nap, listening to your little white machine or doing whatever you like on the train but staring is a big no-no in the trains. You can't stare at a MILTF (if you don't know what this means, either google or watch American Pie) strolling in with her 2-year-old kid or a couple engaging in lengthy French conversation (Frenching in short) directly unless you want to be sued; you have to sly your eyes in a way that leaves people wondering if they are too insignificant to be even looked by you. Make use of science as well, and by that, I mean the power of reflection (thanks to the cleaners who keep all the windows sparkling in the train). In the dark surroundings of an underground tunnel, you could be spying on an unsuspecting person residing in the other corner of the carriage without even looking at him/her directly. But still, that doesn't beat the kick of looking at the person while he/she is not noticing, and then averting your eyes skillfully when he/she does.

Mr. Black is not trying to teach people how to peep or to spy. You guys already know that; I am just reiterating.

Now let's talk about the fun part: the types of people you will meet in the train if you are not napping or drooling on somebody's shoulder. The train has the power to put totally unknown strangers together within close proximity - sometimes so close you can smell them - yet provide a strangely natural and comforting environment. And best of all, the people you will meet are all random as well. Mr. Black, wallowing in his nothing-to-do-ness, has come up with a short list of the special characters you will meet or have already meet. Oh, how I like the idea of randomness.

1) MILTF: No comments. Go figure. Just don't grin to her kids.

2) Dream Girl/Boy version 1.1: It's hard to imagine but fate strikes you at the most unlikely of times. Just when you turn your head to swipe that unsightly strand of hair from your forehead, there he is. Shining, shimmering almost to a T, wearing a simple T-shirt and jeans. You gape, struggle for air and then miss your stop. Reality strikes you equally hard then: he left, you never leave him any number or name, and yes, the two of you are never going to meet again.

3) Mothers with demonic kids: Yes, you pity the mother. Her kids become the attention-grabbers in the whole carriage once they board. They slide, swing, climb, played hide-and-seek despite the mother's feeble attempt to stop them. Fellow commuters do the "I'm irritated" clicking sound with their tongue. Others shake their heads slightly. The boy yells and slides down the pole like a fireman (maybe that's his ambition). The girl follows suit like a pole-dancer. You feel like leaving the circus. Or maybe all you need to do is to stretch out a leg at the correct time.

4) Crazy dude/dudeness: I don't know about you, but I always see them. Half-mumbling to themselves, they would huddle in their seats amongst their red-plastic-bagged-belongings, chit-chatting to an invisible being, oblivious to the stares of the other commuters. (Yes, I mentioned that staring was not allowed, but this is an exception). Sometimes, they stared straight back at you, their gaze penetrating you as if something, or someone, was hovering behind you. You wonder if the dude has a knife in his pocket and secretly prayed that the train would express itself to your destination.

5) Hooker-wannabes: Yeah, I guess you know what I mean. Girls dressed in loud, overwhelmingly short skirts with gold rebonded hair (Mr Black is not stereotyping, please) battling their eyelids endorsed with fake eyelashes at you. That's when you sly your eyes, my friends, and hopefully you may chance upon something good enough to make you raise an eyebrow.

Of course, there are lots of special characters you will meet when taking public transport but I am not going to characterize all of them here. There are the Ipodders, the Nappers, the Pseudo-nappers, the "I-want-to-get-a-seat-even-if-the-train-is-bound-for-hell" Aunties, the Office-Ladies and more. Don't be surprised if you fall into one or more of the categories.

So before you board a subway train the next time, remember that exciting people await you. Just don't stare.

Mr Black is a current undergraduate who resides in Singapore. This blog is a non-whimsical reflection of his life and the society in which he lives in at large.

- Confidental -

Music, Love and Freedom

May the One who Reins the World keep his fingers out of the bowels and holes. Okay, World Peace.

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